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Marriage after kids: How to keep the fire going

Posted on May 26 2023

Children are a blessing and a wonderful addition to any family, but there’s no doubt that they are also exhausting, exasperating and stress inducing. A marriage changes dramatically when kids are introduced and it usually takes more effort to keep romance in the picture.

 

The household chores and expenditure double, while the amount of sleep that you get is cut in half. It can be tough to make time for your spouse when most of your energy goes towards keeping your children alive.

 

But having kids doesn’t mean you no longer need romance and intimacy. Here are some things to try to keep that fire alive.

 

Share the load without comparing

With so many things to do around the house and for your children, it can become easy to start keeping score and feeling like your partner isn’t pulling their weight. Rather than making it a competition, remember that you’re both on the same team and each of you wants what is best for the home and your family.

 

Talk about what needs to be done and be clear about what chores are a priority. Make it a habit to thank your spouse too! A little appreciation and gratitude can go a long way.

 

Communicate

 

Don’t allow things to build up internally and cause distance between the two of you . Talk to your spouse about your needs - both emotional and physical - and actively listen to what they have to say as well.

 

Don’t be afraid to express your desires and allow your spouse to do the same. Being honest and vulnerable might not be easy but it can help to bridge gaps and deepen the love you have for one another.

 

Schedule time for intimacy

Be intentional about carving out time for each other. Commit to date night and plan something relaxing for the two of you to reconnect.

 

Scheduling sex might not seem sexy but it’s a great way to keep intimacy alive. Putting time for passion on the calendar shows that you are prioritising each other and helps to guarantee quality time.

 

If the chaos of everyday life seems too overwhelming, aim for small moments of connection - send each other love notes while at work, hold hands during dinner, or cut bath time in half by showering together.

 

Remember how it began

Help your partner feel loved by pursuing them the way you did when you were dating.

 

Remind each other about what brought the two of you together in the first place. Talk about what you love about each other, what you appreciate, and what your partner is doing right.

 

Get creative

 

Spicing things up in the bedroom can help to reignite the spark between you and your partner. Don’t be shy about exploring new activities such as role play or sexting. If you’re game, bringing sex toys to the table can also help make things more exciting and enjoyable.

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