Hi there, my name is Sujatha Ramachandra.
I am a mom of three beautiful daughters aged between 17 and 23.
I am blessed and grateful to have been given the privilege of parenting my girls as they have grown up to be amazing young ladies filled with compassion, integrity and generous hearts.
I am a trailing spouse, currently residing in Hanoi.
My parenting style is: I adopt an open consultative approach.
I have high expectations for my children and of them.
I believe that if we do not hold high expectations, it makes it hard for our children to aspire to be their best. Our children look to us to set goals and targets and as they grow, they learn to set their own targets, which is the eventual objective.
At the same time, I accept anything as long as I know that they have done their best. I appreciate honesty and believe in being open so that they know they can tell me anything, even if I may not approve. Of course, as kids/teens, they may not always see that but I think by and large, I am open all the time for my children to tell me anything if they would like to.
Three words to describe my motherhood journey are: -
A true calling, filled with dedication and much happiness. Interspersed with moments of worry and anguish
1. Did you always want to have a big family?
Yes, 2 or more but less than 4...
And why? -
Children keep you young, give you a sense of purpose and keep you focused. Less than 4 because logistically once you have 4, you need bigger cars, houses. We don't drive in Singapore so before the days of grab, it would mean taking 2 taxis to go to the same destination.
2. What was the hardest part or jump in the number of children for you?
I did not encounter this as my daughters were/are very good and kind to me. When there was a new baby or young toddler in the house, the older girl/s would always help out with the baby or the toddler. My eldest was amazing, always playing and reading to my second daughter when my youngest baby was born. And when my eldest was in school, my second daughter, although only 2 years old, would sing and comfort the baby all the time. She has such a warm compassionate heart. Apart from my mum and dad who helped me in the early days, I took care of our girls without a helper. And so, my girls were absolute gems in every aspect and they always loved each other.
3. Are there any fears you have as a mom of multiple children.
The main fear is that my children feel I am biased to one and play favorites. Another is the fear for their safety. I sometimes get nightmares thinking about worst case scenarios.
4. If you are working, tell us how you juggle that with your family life, and what a day in your life looks like. And if you're a sahm, tell us about what you used to do before you made the switch, and what your day typically looks like.
Before the children joined us, I was an educator. I transitioned into freelance writing when I had my first baby. However, as I am a trailing spouse, it started to get difficult to juggle everything once I had my second and third babies. So eventually I stopped and focused solely on the education and care of my children. I homeschooled my children until formal education started and sent them instead for enrichment classes. This path allowed me maximum time with them before Primary 1. I loved those days very much. When school started, a typical day would start at 5.30am and end once the last child was in bed. In between, I would attend to the daily chores. We never wanted a helper as I wanted my girls to learn to pick up after themselves and do simple tasks. It is important for children to learn from a young age, important life skills such as making their beds, folding their clothes etc.
5. Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the demands of motherhood, and can you describe a time you felt that way? How did you navigate through it?
I have loved my motherhood journey. I think the most challenging period was when my husband was posted overseas for 3 years and we decided to remain in Singapore as we did not want to disrupt the children's education. I was practically a single parent and some days were very exhausting. I had to juggle all their schedules and sometimes the timings did not work so I would find myself running to multiple places. Thankfully taxi fares were not as exorbitant as they are today. Sometimes, I would need to put my 13-year-old in a taxi alone and send her off to where she needed to go while I was with the younger two girls. I did not like doing this and was always uneasy but thankfully for phones, we could stay in touch until she was safe at her destination.
I find the best way to navigate through any challenging situation is to pray, meditate and find my center. It is grounding and helps me keep my perspective and focus on what's important. And of course, continued bonding with the children, watching a comedy together and having a good laugh.
6. How do balance nurturing your children's individuality while fostering a sense of unity within your family?
Each child is different and has their own interest. It is important for parents to acknowledge and celebrate each child for their uniqueness and differences.
I am a very open-minded person and I believe in talking constantly with my girls. Sometimes it may have been a bit of nagging( haha!) But I always ask them about their day, their friends, their likes and I try to be as supportive as possible.
One example is my second daughter who enjoyed sports and one time, wanted to join lacrosse, softball, track and field. However, some of these required early morning practice, before school started. She was so passionate about it that I agreed and found myself getting up at 5 am and driving her to school at 6 am because practice started at 6.30 am.
And in this way, I learn to appreciate my daughters' strengths and support them whenever possible. I encourage them to find themselves and be the best version of themselves whilst at the same time reminding them that they must always be good and kind and thoughtful of each other.
While the pandemic was stressful as there was too much online learning, it gave my family a wonderful opportunity to bond and spend quality time together. The girls would sometimes hang around the kitchen as I cooked, we ate together and then we always played games/cards together. It was so fun and enriching for the soul.
7. What sacrifices have you made for your children, and do you have any regrets?
I think the biggest sacrifice I made was giving up my job to focus on the children. It was a big sacrifice as it also meant we became a single income family. Before making this life changing decision, my husband and I took time to consider the options. Simply put, we decided that one of us needed to be a present parent. We wanted the children to feel comfort and safety all the time. If a situation arose, we wanted to be available to solve it. We wanted to be the ones to comfort the children if they were unwell etc
It has been 20 years since I stopped free lancing and whilst I have no regrets, I wish there had been more part time work or work from home options available 20 years ago. That would have provided me with the flexibility needed - a permanent job which allowed me time to be the best parent possible. Employers are also more understanding and supportive these days, which is really good.
8. What has been the toughest challenge in your life as a mom? And how did you get through that?
Toughest challenge is raising Third Culture Kids. It's a term coined by US sociologist Ruth Hill Useem in the 1950s, for children who spend their formative years in places that are not their parents’ homeland.
My children had a taste of overseas living before the age of 7. And we tried to keep them rooted in Singapore for as long as possible but it was inevitable that their formative years were largely spent overseas. And while this has had its benefits, there is this sense of rootlessness where home is everywhere but nowhere.
I recall, when the children were younger, they would ask, "Mum, where is home?" and I would reply, "Home is where ever dad and I are". It was relatable and made sense to them.
Now they are older, the world is truly their oyster. And being Third Culture Kids has taught them resilience and adaptability. Home can be wherever their heart desires and wherever they make it to be.
I remind myself not the sweat the small stuff. In the end, we want children who can take care of themselves and stand on their own feet.
9. Can you share a moment when you felt immense pride in your role as a mother? Or can you look back on a moment where you've thought, this was all worth it.
Everyday with my daughters is filled with immense pride...My daughters have heart and they are kind, and I love them so much for this. Everyday I get a message, a phone call, a "how are you" from my girls, makes it all worthwhile.
This summer -
My eldest daughter will graduate from NUS. This is a big milestone for her, her life's journey, our family - the end of a chapter and the start of the next adventure.
My second daughter would have completed her first year at university and I cannot wait to celebrate her graduation.
And my youngest will complete High School in 2025 and commence her journey in University.
These milestones fill my heart with great happiness. Sometimes I look at my beautiful daughters and my eyes well up with tears of joy - they are my success story!
10. Looking back on your journey, what advice would you give to other mothers who may be facing similar challenges? (Or debating whether or not to have more children.)
Children are truly a blessing and a gift from God. They must be cherished, nurtured and loved.
Mothering/parenting can be stressful and demanding as children have different needs and wants.
To be the best version of yourself, I believe each mother needs to know themselves well to know and understand their own wants, needs and capabilities first. Self care and support are important. Know what is important and prioritise.
Life is a journey of constant ups and downs, decisions and life choices. Make the best ones for yourself, your partner and your family. Everything else will fall into place. Keep God and/or a belief system/values at the core.
Then enjoy the ride of a lifetime and treasure your children.